It was an interesting session today. Today I went in feeling okay, I left ou...

In the car I just realised what...

No, I can't explain it, so I will have to make it clear.

By luck, by chance, whatever you say, I am meeting more and more people like me. The sad part is that we are such a prominent type and I wish it were not so. I don't ask for this and I wish this upon noone.

We all go to seek strength; that is how it started anyway.

The PT today was quite amazing. I could sense she was welling up while I tried to smile to cover up the quivering of my lips and blurred eyes. My eyes are large, so either my smile was big enough to cover up what was happening inside, or the large windows exposed everything. I hope it was not the latter.

Or if it was, who cares. She's been through it.

I always imagined what it would be like to the other person. What do they picture when you tell them the food you ate together was now a pungent runny mixture in the toilet. And it did not come from down below; it came from your mouth and it was on purpose. Do they picture you prodding a bit, here and there, tongue-no, pallette- no way; pressing on your stomach, finding where it would all come out from, no bits left behind?

That is why I stopped looking in the mirror after I was done. At my face, anyway. The sunken eyes and the new bags- I have heard a lot about concealer but even that can't cover it up. I had beautiful eyes. My name means "eyes" in Sanskrit. I had great teeth. I have a muscular build. I have a nice looking face- until people kept asking if I was sick.

Well, you know what?

I am.

I am sick.

I don't want to be sick.

Comments

Popular Posts