Today was a surprise. I am glad it happened, because now I know I can do it.
I have to do it, and I know I can.
On the way to clinic, I knew what to expect; a few people sitting around a room, talking about their feelings and their week and a couple of meal breaks in between, then a bit of chat about being grateful.
Instead, I followed a thin, young, almost skeleton-like girl into a room set similarly. There were only girls in that room; all young and all their minds' thoughts were all too relatable.
I was thrown into an eating disorders day group.
For far too long, I have denied that there is a problem, or that it is simply a byproduct of my underlying anxiety and depression. But the issues with food have far outweighed this anxiety that I thought I had; the food has caused more anxiety rather than vice versa.
In this day program, every meal we eat is monitored. We are expected to eat everything on the plate. We are not expected, we are forced. The therapist was kind to me. Well not to me, but my eating disorder, the other voice in my head. The sane part of me wished she would force me.
The point is, I am confused again. I am not sure who to trust; who even am I if I am made of two opposing voices in my head? Do I trust this voice in my head? Who know.
To leave this on a positive note, I ate a slice of watermelon and 1.5 slices of honeydew melon for "afternoon tea." With a cup of coffee. Amidst my other food rules, one is that I do not eat anything with my 3PM coffee, but I did and I am on my way to make her to shut up. It. I was it to shut up. This is not me.
Watching Medium.
Mum is cooking pomfret. It should be good :D (here we go, thinking about food all the time)
I have to do it, and I know I can.
On the way to clinic, I knew what to expect; a few people sitting around a room, talking about their feelings and their week and a couple of meal breaks in between, then a bit of chat about being grateful.
Instead, I followed a thin, young, almost skeleton-like girl into a room set similarly. There were only girls in that room; all young and all their minds' thoughts were all too relatable.
I was thrown into an eating disorders day group.
For far too long, I have denied that there is a problem, or that it is simply a byproduct of my underlying anxiety and depression. But the issues with food have far outweighed this anxiety that I thought I had; the food has caused more anxiety rather than vice versa.
In this day program, every meal we eat is monitored. We are expected to eat everything on the plate. We are not expected, we are forced. The therapist was kind to me. Well not to me, but my eating disorder, the other voice in my head. The sane part of me wished she would force me.
The point is, I am confused again. I am not sure who to trust; who even am I if I am made of two opposing voices in my head? Do I trust this voice in my head? Who know.
To leave this on a positive note, I ate a slice of watermelon and 1.5 slices of honeydew melon for "afternoon tea." With a cup of coffee. Amidst my other food rules, one is that I do not eat anything with my 3PM coffee, but I did and I am on my way to make her to shut up. It. I was it to shut up. This is not me.
Watching Medium.
Mum is cooking pomfret. It should be good :D (here we go, thinking about food all the time)
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