Ponder hard
So everything I have been posting has been posted to my "other" blog page. The one I didn't even know I had, because when I first started using Blogger, I just clicked everything. Turns out, I actually have three blogs!
They're blank but that doesn't matter.
So if you want to read what happened between my last post and now, go here:
https://planetsomethingthatrhymeswithtad.blogspot.com.au/
So what's new? Ed Sheeran's new song, Shape of You does something to me. Something that I have missed for a long time. If you know what I mean. Also, the dude from The Chainsmokers; his voice.
You may see what is happening here. It is a normal part of recovery when your body actually has enough energy to produce the "fun" hormones. The ones that make you feel sexy and powerful when you wear a pair of heels, or make you picture someone touching your waist in that way. The hormones that make you so happy to be a female human.
They all come in a surge; like, if your thoughts became reality, there would be babies everywhere. When I find where I read this, I will link it to this post to prove I am not crazy.
Sorry, I know you can't tell by reading this, but I just took an hour long "break" from writing this post because I saw a cockroach in my room. I did not know how terrified I am of cockroaches until I woke up two nights ago with one ON my arm. Now I freak out when an arm hair moves or my hair tickles the back of my neck. I probably look crazy, or paranoid because I am.
So anyway, speaking of girly bits, I had to study the anatomy of the male and female sexual organs. I have a question. Moore (Clinically Oriented Anatomy) described the clitoris as basically a mini penis; it has similar structures and allows for female sexual arousal in a similar way that the male penis is sensitive. Would you prefer to think of women as having a mini penis or men having a giant clitoris? Hm, worth a ponder.
My housemates are great fun to be around. I am enjoying studying and learning things (not only sexual stuff!) and my brain is a lot more alert. I can process information and understand things a lot easier than I did when I was starving/BPing/overexercising/add other unhealthy habit here. I have a feeling that this year will be good. I've met a few people like me in my new year, new cohort which was a bit scary at first. These people like to climb rocks, craft, typography, write, are into feminism and like to have intelligent discussions as well as silly ones. These people are like me!
Another thing that happened was a bit of a clean up of previous "friends." These people were toxic and I am glad they are out of my life, but I would have preferred to have had the upper hand than them doing the rejecting. These people will never understand until something comes up in their lives, and then we will see who will be there for them. These people did not try to help when I needed it the most. That being said, these people broke me so hard that I actually ended up in the hospital. I don't blame these people for my ED, but I know my behaviours and mood went downhill when this happened which did land me in hospital. So basically, these people are a godsend because now I am finally recovering. Thanks, bitches!
Body wise, I am bloating badly after meals. My weight is making me look like a rectangle with a bulge in the middle. Dr B said my weight will redistribute and my bloat will go, hopefully by the end of this year. I hope he is right. Dr B looks like the Monopoly Man and sometimes it is hard to take him seriously. But when he sends you text messages like "Stop looking [at reflections] and measuring [body measurements]. Get on with it" that are a kick up the butt, he sounds pretty darn serious to me.
My face looks fuller. I like that.
But my legs don't seem to grow. However, I feel stronger when I lift. I feel happier when I laugh. I feel smarter when I study. I feel like a real person.
I wouldn't exchange this feeling for less food. Never. Never again do I want to look like I am slowly disappearing or feel blank when I smile. Or be turned away when I want to donate blood because I weigh too less. Or get stuck in the water slide ride at Wet n' Wild because I was too small. Or miss out on social occasions because they don't fit my meal times.
That was hell, and I am only realising it now.
They're blank but that doesn't matter.
So if you want to read what happened between my last post and now, go here:
https://planetsomethingthatrhymeswithtad.blogspot.com.au/
So what's new? Ed Sheeran's new song, Shape of You does something to me. Something that I have missed for a long time. If you know what I mean. Also, the dude from The Chainsmokers; his voice.
You may see what is happening here. It is a normal part of recovery when your body actually has enough energy to produce the "fun" hormones. The ones that make you feel sexy and powerful when you wear a pair of heels, or make you picture someone touching your waist in that way. The hormones that make you so happy to be a female human.
They all come in a surge; like, if your thoughts became reality, there would be babies everywhere. When I find where I read this, I will link it to this post to prove I am not crazy.
Sorry, I know you can't tell by reading this, but I just took an hour long "break" from writing this post because I saw a cockroach in my room. I did not know how terrified I am of cockroaches until I woke up two nights ago with one ON my arm. Now I freak out when an arm hair moves or my hair tickles the back of my neck. I probably look crazy, or paranoid because I am.
So anyway, speaking of girly bits, I had to study the anatomy of the male and female sexual organs. I have a question. Moore (Clinically Oriented Anatomy) described the clitoris as basically a mini penis; it has similar structures and allows for female sexual arousal in a similar way that the male penis is sensitive. Would you prefer to think of women as having a mini penis or men having a giant clitoris? Hm, worth a ponder.
My housemates are great fun to be around. I am enjoying studying and learning things (not only sexual stuff!) and my brain is a lot more alert. I can process information and understand things a lot easier than I did when I was starving/BPing/overexercising/add other unhealthy habit here. I have a feeling that this year will be good. I've met a few people like me in my new year, new cohort which was a bit scary at first. These people like to climb rocks, craft, typography, write, are into feminism and like to have intelligent discussions as well as silly ones. These people are like me!
Another thing that happened was a bit of a clean up of previous "friends." These people were toxic and I am glad they are out of my life, but I would have preferred to have had the upper hand than them doing the rejecting. These people will never understand until something comes up in their lives, and then we will see who will be there for them. These people did not try to help when I needed it the most. That being said, these people broke me so hard that I actually ended up in the hospital. I don't blame these people for my ED, but I know my behaviours and mood went downhill when this happened which did land me in hospital. So basically, these people are a godsend because now I am finally recovering. Thanks, bitches!
Body wise, I am bloating badly after meals. My weight is making me look like a rectangle with a bulge in the middle. Dr B said my weight will redistribute and my bloat will go, hopefully by the end of this year. I hope he is right. Dr B looks like the Monopoly Man and sometimes it is hard to take him seriously. But when he sends you text messages like "Stop looking [at reflections] and measuring [body measurements]. Get on with it" that are a kick up the butt, he sounds pretty darn serious to me.
My face looks fuller. I like that.
But my legs don't seem to grow. However, I feel stronger when I lift. I feel happier when I laugh. I feel smarter when I study. I feel like a real person.
I wouldn't exchange this feeling for less food. Never. Never again do I want to look like I am slowly disappearing or feel blank when I smile. Or be turned away when I want to donate blood because I weigh too less. Or get stuck in the water slide ride at Wet n' Wild because I was too small. Or miss out on social occasions because they don't fit my meal times.
That was hell, and I am only realising it now.
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